Friday, January 30, 2009

week from hell over....

Thank god! the only thing is - there is sure to be another one just around the corner. (yes - it's me - glass not just half empty but with barely a drop in it!)That is the nature of my job and it is so frustrating and disheartening.
That's all I am saying - a blog isn't exactly a private diary now is it?
Well I will say this -it might be bearable if I knew there was an end in sight. My "end" was going to be the end of my nine month pregnancy when I would hang up my hat gracefully and take a year off to be a new mom ( albeit a poor mom) and a more homebody type partner to S. ( well we can dream!)But the nine month clock is not even ticking yet.
I keep on telling myself I will learn to meditate and it will make the bits in between work less stressful and I won't spend my spare time ruminating about it. Then when I have some down time I don't feel like learning to meditate! I have tapes and CDs and even stuff downloaded on my I-Pod. Get this: the other day we were getting ready to do some cleaning and I like to listen to my I-Pod when I am cleaning sometimes if S is working or something - so I said: "Oh I know, I'll listen to my meditation tracks while I am cleaning." And then I realized that perhaps that was not the best way to learn to meditate. I mean, aren't you supposed to sit still or something? So that was as far as I got!
The baby news is that I have an appointment at the Big Business Baby Factory to see a new doc. He was the third on my list (still highly recommended)and he helped someone in my support group get pregnant after a whole litany of mechanical type fertility problems. I think of my fertility issues as less mechanical and more about attrition! My eggs are just beaten down and tired!
Yes it's an old white guy again! The younger white guy and the middle aged white woman ( also highly recommended) were unavailable till the end of Feb and beginning of March. I couldn't wait that long. So I have an appointment for Feb 13th at 11am. I hope my honey can come, but she has taken so much time off work recently with school she may not be able to. I have to gather all my records and immunizations and blood work together again.
I have decided that if they say it's a no go I want to try either egg donation or embryo donation. I have a feeling they will give me at least one more try.
So that's the news from Lake Woe-is-me-will-I-ever-get-pregnant!
On the good news front, the cabaret class that I am taking is fun fun fun! and I am thinking of signing up for the third time to train for a triathlon - no, I never finished any of them! This time last year when I signed up for it I was thinking I would train until I got pregnant and see how I felt. Ho hum!
I would love to finish a triathlon. We'll see how it goes!


Lisa said...

good luck with your new doctor.

KM said...

good luck with the appointment on the 13th and I will keep my fingers crossed for good news.

I always wanted to learn to meditate and never actually made it to that point either. Something about dogs barking just doesn't lend itself to clearing of the mind. I hope you don't give up on your triathalon goal. I think having something like that for you to focus on would be a good thing.

Take care!

Anonymous said...

yay for the big business baby factory appointment!! feb 13th will be here in no time :)