Friday, June 26, 2009

Education, transportation, investigation...

1. Educating the extremely educated.
Last weekend we had three lots of visitors in quick succession. I am happy to report that I was able to educate two of the three parties on the awful truth of the transience of women's fertility. One queer / bi gal -aged thirty -nine is newly in THE relationship of her life with a guy, thinking there might be time to squeeze in a pregnancy or two. I sent her away very optimistically ( after giving her my abridged version of the "eggs get old fast" speech ) with my "taking charge of our fertility" book and my basal thermometer. Those days are over for me - so I wanted to spread the love and pass it around. It felt really good to do that. The second - a 48 yr old queer / bi gal had been told by an ob-gyn that he had just seen a woman of 47 in his office who was pregnant with twins - and hey - anything is possible!!!Oh my blood started boiling when I heard that. Fortunately she wanted to hear the "eggs get old fast" ( the longer version) speech and went away feeling more informed and realistic. I told her I thought if she still wanted to give it a shot she could at least get some day three testing to see what that said. It makes me so mad when people do that "exception to the rule thing" - if you have seen "he's just not that into you" you know what I mean. You know the - well my cousin thought she was infertile and she and her husband could not have kids and then she started eating papaya and she had triplets at 45! And you know the sad part of this - both of these women are highly educated, smart, intelligent, wonderful women and they did not really know the truth about fertility! Or infertility.
2.Transferring the sperm to BBBF
Yesterday I got up really early to go in for an U/S and B/W and to pick up a nitrogen tank from the new clinic (BBBF) to transport the sperm that was still stored at my old clinic to the new one. Even doing something like this was exciting for us ( S. came along for the second half of the ride) and felt so momentous! There has been so much waiting and wondering and lots of small painfully slow parts to this - so any action for us is a big big deal. Especially when we get to do stuff together.
3.Donor testing
Today I got a call from the third party coordinator ( as in third party reproduction - which is what donor eggs comes under) to say that they had been working with our donor because they figured out she was going to be out of town in July and they wanted to get the testing done before she leaves. That way if she does not qualify after testing we can start with another. I had been hoping that was going to happen but was not really driving the whole thing like I had wanted to. Fortunately for me the clinic is taking this whole thing seriously and moving on it. The coordinator told me that the donor was really excited about the whole process, is really nice and that she had passed the u/s and ovarian reserve testing with flying colors and they were just waiting for the results of the STD screening which takes about two weeks. So we have an appointment to officially start the third party process and sign papers when we get back from vacation and all being well we will be starting the cycle for real in August. My doc says my uterus is healing well from the myomectomy and he wants me to have a period and then do one more cycle of suppression and estrogen just to make sure everything is fine. So I am on my fifth day of provera and hoping Ms. AF comes soon. I am so psyched - I can hardly believe it!!! I am so hoping this will work for us! We might have a May 2010 baby after all!!!
So that's the news from here. I will try to post more often. I have been MIA for too long. Thanks for all your support and thanks for commenting - it really makes a difference.
(I have been a bad commenter lately as I was working so hard to get ready for vacation but now I am on vacation I will have more time for fun things like blogging and commenting)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Another bump in the road, or, "more about my uterus"! - with update!

My doc finally emailed me back tonight after my ultrasound yesterday to say he wants me to take Estrace and Lupron for ten more days and then take provera (is that the right med?) to induce a period. His reasoning for this is that the estrace will continue to help my lining thicken up where the fibroid was "re-sected". Does this mean that the lining where the fibroid was removed is not thick? I am guessing so. But it would be nice if he TOLD me that. I need to get more assertive with him and let him know that I need to know more than WHAT to do next, I need to know WHY we are doing the next thing next.
He is out of town for ten days. I am hoping to go out of town in two weeks, for ten days. I wrote to him tonight saying that I really want to try to work around this because I REALLY NEED A VACATION!!!
We will see what he says about that. I want to have my crummy cake and eat it –I want to continue the trial cycle AND go on vacation. Who knows when and if we will add the progesterone? At this rate I won’t be ready to do the real cycle in August. I am so bummed. I am just swinging those moods right now – UP and DOWN! And capitals too!
One good thing is that work has become slightly more bearable at the moment. I am onto my fifth supervisor in 22 months. This most recent one seems affable, knowledgeable and human. Of course, he is only temporary until they find a permanent psychopath to run our agency.
It’s odd, I have incredible anxiety every morning without fail about going to work, and I ruminate and obsess and ruminate some more and then when I get there things usually are fine and if they are not I deal with them and by the end of the day I am usually feeling so much better. Today I got a lot accomplished and managed to avoid any big crises, so I feel great. We will see what tomorrow brings in the form of neuroses!
UPDATED June 11th to say:
PS - My doctor just e-mailed me back and said: "Vacations are important. I don't think it will interfere with your cycle - just come in the week before you go." ( He should know as he is on vacation right now improving his tan!!!) So I am ON for the vacation and ON for this extended trial cycle and needing positive vibes that my uterus heals!:) WOOHOO!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

the plan ...

I am mending nicely from the fibroid removal surgery- yeah, I know, it's still all about me! Only a little bleeding. My doc wants me to continue lupron and estrace until my U/S on Tuesday and then see where to go next. ( I am hoping for the endometrial biopsy the following week, and the green light for the real cycle!)God I feel like all I talk about is meds and procedures! I have become a chemicalized, automated, wanded infertility patient! Weird!
I was at work the other day in the garden of one of the facilities and I had a deja vu about a phone conversation I had had in that very spot almost exactly a year ago, with my crunchy lesbian clinic about whether to start on clomid or not. I barely hesitated to think about it and said yes. So much has happened since then. It took us almost a year to even get to that point and here we are another year later. In some people's infertility journeys that is just a drop in the bucket I know.
So it turns out that "known" sperm donors and "known" egg donors are not created equally. According to the egg donor service, few if any of the egg donors want to really be "known". The argument is that they are too young to make a decision like that about what they will be willing to do in 18 years. They agree to be contacted about medical issues and to keep in touch about anything that comes up like that, but there is no cosy little meeting with the kid over coffee or anything like that. Our first choice is really against contact except for this medical stuff, our second choice seems a bit more open. We don't want to do Christmas cards or play dates, we just want the option of even some contact to satisfy the wondering kid. So we went with our second choice, who is also mostly European ethnically, blonde and green, has a nice face, nice features and sounds like a philanthropist and a generally decent person. Her famous look a like section says Lisa Loeb ( but blonde). We are happy about this choice. We paid the deposit yesterday and should be ready to go ahead with the rest soon. She is going to Europe in July so we won't be starting the cycle till August, which on the one hand makes me impatient and on the other, is better timing wise for us and gives me a little drug break in between. If all goes well and the doc gives me the go ahead she will be starting testing this month.
Between coordinating all this, talking to insurance and docs and nurses and appointments I feel like I need a personal assistant! Ha ha - that'll be something to laugh about when we have a kid that is keeping us up at night!
S is away visiting her mom and sis and I am taking the time to be a complete and utter slob. I got up so late today ( having gone to bed late, which always happens the first night she is away) and am still wiped from the past week. Luckily the weather is mirroring my mood and is damp and rainy so I don't feel as if I am missing anything outside! I missed my tennis class today - just could not get out of bed.
Anyway - I am rambling! I have lots of housework to do, clothes to fold, floors to sweep and tomorrow I think I am going to have to go to work to catch up on billing. We are going on vacation at the end of June and before then I have to do evaluations for 5 staff, catch up on all my billing, read and sign off on about 75 assessments, observe one staff conduct 15 assessments and deal with all the usual stuff that happens every day too. YIKES - will I be ready for a vacation!
So that's all for now. Feeling a little lonesome...
ta ta!

Monday, June 1, 2009

All went well!

I am home resting in bed having been taken care of by wonderful doctors and nurses and family members - you know who you are and I really appreciate you.
It is odd being taken care of so completely for a few hours that a nurse even held my blanket for me while I was walking with my IV from the pre-op room to the operating room. I almost felt like a child being taken care of by her mother again. That and the drugs - very comforting.
I can't say enough nice things about the staff. I had read a review on-line about the place just before I left for the center that said "I won't go back there, the staff is unfriendly" and I was a little trepidatious! ( Is that a word?)
I also managed to complete my will and advance directives this weekend so I feel I have accomplished quite a bit!
Thanks to all for your well-wishes - it means so much to me! And thanks for the advice on the donors. Having thought about it over the past couple of days we have decided to go for known for both donors. So I am waiting to hear back from the donor service to see if the alternates we picked are available.
Now I just have to e-mail my doc and ask him if the trial cycle is still on. For some reason I forgot to ask him. I guess he needed to see what was going on "in there" before he decided.
ta ta for now!
my poor honey is sleeping next to me and is exhausted from a busy weekend and worrying about me!