Monday, March 8, 2010

The fading twin

I have been bleeding since a rather strenuous morning at church yesterday ( is that even possible? ) and a shopping trip. More than before. Enough to make me look in detail at the first ultrasound report and research the word subchorionic hematoma a lot. Turns out I have a 3 cm one of those. ( That is if you combine the three  lateral measurements).   It was originally behind twin B and apparently that is causing the bleeding.
Called the on-call doc yesterday who told me to rest and come in this morning for an ultrasound.
The question is - does this affect the babies and if so how? Different reads on this from different people. The verdict is the same from everyone: Nothing to be done just rest and don't go for any strenuous exercise.  ( Does that mean I am excused from church?)
This morning the  ultrasound tech found baby A no problem - we could see the flicker of the heartbeat really clearly and it was doing 116 beats per minute.  Apparently I'm still 6 weeks - last week I was five weeks. She lingered over there doing a lot of measuring while we freaked out and waited impatiently to see baby B. When she finally made it over there ( it's further away from the cervix so more difficult to see) she couldn't find a heartbeat. The only one she picked up was mine - which is way slower than a baby's. I am wondering if that is what the previous ultra-sound tech found before - because it was slow - 80 bpm- mine is usually around 70 though.
We had steeled ourselves for this, but we were disappointed and sad. It's apparently not 100% conclusive because it was hard to see Baby B because of the positioning. But the doctor said it was probably not looking good for Baby B.
In the space of 6 days we had imagined this whole crazy fun life with twins. We had checked out the mothers of multiples website,  wondered how you go shopping with twins in a  store cart that only has one baby seat, talked about strollers, thought about buying  baby books dedicated to raising twins, considered how it would be great that they would have each other and would not feel alone in their strange but loving origins,  thought about how we would help each of them differentiate so they wouldn't be treated as a unit but as individuals, pondered the stories I would tell them about being a twin myself. And so on.
In some ways it's a tiny relief. Susan doesn't have to worry so much about the impact of twins on my 42 yr old body, we don't have to wonder how we are going to feed two babies, diaper them and get them asleep at the same time, I can have a nurse midwife at the birth and don't have to worry about getting an OB. I'm sure we would have figured it out somehow though.
Our family will be smaller  than our grand plans, and we will have to figure out at a later date how feasible another frozen embryo transfer will be.
So yes, my mind has been incredibly busy. I caught up pretty quickly with Susan's practical bent hence the musings above.
We still don't know how baby A is going to do, although s/he does look good, strong, feisty.
Praying really really hard  that baby A makes it.   We are so lucky to have this baby, we know that. We just want a happy ending. Who doesn't?

44 comments:

cindyhoo2 said...

I am so very sorry to hear about Baby B. I know you must have mixed emotions. Indeed twins are a beautiful happy thought but having one baby to shower with love and affection and marvel at every little twitch is also a thrilling prospect (and slightly less daunting). I am quite certain that Baby A is hanging in there and doing beautifully; after all, he/she has a stellar heartbeat.

rebecca said...

So sorry to hear about baby B, thinking of you guys during this time! Praying that baby A continues to thrive & grow stronger.

glamcookie said...

Oh, I'm so sorry about Baby B. Sad news indeed. Sounds like Baby A is holding his/her own, though! Thinking all good thoughts for all 3 of you. {{{}}}

jenicini said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about Baby B. I'm thinking of you.

RDR said...

I am so sad about Baby B. I am praying all is well with Baby A. Keeping all of you in my thoughts.

Dreams and False Alarms said...

(((((HUGS)))))

Carrie and MJ said...

So, so sorry to hear about Baby B. It is amazing how quickly we become attached to them. Glad to hear the good reports for Baby A and sending all of the sticky vibes for s/he to continue snuggling in and stay put for a long time!

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Oh, I hope that Baby B makes it, but I know exactly how you feel because I went through the exact same thing with this pregnancy. We officially "lost" Baby B at 7.5 weeks, when there was no longer a heartbeat, prior to that it had been ominously slow, so we pretty much expected to lose him/her.

It's very bittersweet because you do have all the fun things in mind for twins. Especially for older moms like us, it's insta-family and you know your baby will have a sibling. However, twins are not only harder on the moms, but they are harder on the babies. If you do lose Baby B, perhaps you can take some comfort in the fact that Baby A will have a much better chance of going full-term, having less developmental issues, etc.

As you know, our Baby A is thriving and doing wonderfully. So, hope for Baby B but have faith in Baby A, that bean looks like a strong one with a h/b of 116bpm at only 6 weeks.

anofferingoflove said...

Oh Claire, I am so sorry. Sending you much love and strength as you process this news and wait for your next ultrasound. ((()))

K said...

I'm so sorry, Claire. I wish there was something I (or anyone) could say to make the loss of Baby B hurt less. When will your next ultrasound be?

Thinking of you and sending so many good wishes.

rachelbk said...

I am praying so hard for you and your family. You've been on a total rollercoaster ride the past couple of weeks.

K said...

Sorry to hear about baby B.

babyinterrupted said...

Will be praying very hard for baby A, too. Thinking of you.

(BTW, I'm a Lutheran church lady.) :)

victoria said...

I am sorry. There's not much fun about the roller coaster that is the 1st trimester.
I hope you are holding up ok and adjusting. When do you go back?
So many are thinking the best thoughts for you and this pregnancy and I hope that brings some measure of comfort.

Suzy said...

Ah Claire I am so sorry to hear all of this. Remember though, all hope is not lost, and I will be praying super hard for both your little loves.

Fran said...

Oh petal, I'm so sorry to hear this, fading twins are unfortunately very common and this has not effect on the other one, I have no doubt it'll all go well. Much love, Fran

MAJ Bryen said...

Thinking of you...I also wanted to comment that I have a friend who went from 1 baby, then to three and then back to 2 depending on the skill of the u/s tech. keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Schroedinger said...

I am so sorry to hear that baby B is fading.
I am thinking of you all.

tbean said...

Oof. What a week. I'm so sorry to hear that you may lose baby b and not at all surprised to hear how complicated your reactions to that news are. Still...I have much hope that baby a is growing into a healthy babe as we speak. It's always so complicated, isn't it?

Billy said...

That sucks. Sorry to hear.
Fingers crossed for baby A.

pleasantlyfurious said...

Oh, I'm so so so sorry to hear this. I know how hard it is to lose a baby you have already dreamed of sharing your life with - and just as now that I'm happily pregnant again, it doesn't take away the pain from my loss - I'm sure as happy and grateful as you are that baby A is still with you, it doesn't make it any easier to mourn baby B. I'm thinking of you.

insertmetaphor said...

Oh, Claire. I'm so sorry about baby B. Even if there are practical reasons that one baby is better than two, the lose isn't any less. I hope that she pulls through after all. I'm hoping for good health and joy for all of you.

Best When Used By said...

I was so sad to see your post title in my google reader. Every time one of my sisters loses a baby, it's just heart wrenching. I am so sorry your daydreams of twins may be dashed (not for certain yet, though, right). I will keep your babes in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs.

AplusB said...

I am so sorry to hear this news. I'm sure it is a very strange mix of sadness/grief/relief as you described. I hope Baby A continues to hold strong and you get your happy ending!

cowgirltn said...

I am sorry about your loss. Prayers for baby a.

Mo and Will said...

I am so sorry to read this news. Ugh. Thinking of you, and wishing you and your partner peace.

Mo

S said...

I'm so sorry.

Clare said...

So sorry to hear about baby B. It must be hard processing it all. Fingers crossed for Baby A. Sure everything will be fine since s/he has such a strong heartbeat. Hugs.

Vee said...

I am so sorry to hear about baby B.
Thinking of you.

Two Kayaks said...

So very sorry to hear this news. Wishing you peace and strength.

E. Phantzi said...

So sorry to hear about Baby B. Cheering on Baby A to a healthy birth in 7.5 months.

infertilityrocks said...

I'm so very, very sorry for the loss of one of your precious twins. I know too well that dream of twins and losing that dream. I also was pregnant with twins at developed a SCH at 8.5 weeks. My SCH did resolve, but I still lost one of my twins at 24.5 weeks...I suspect it has something to do with the SCH. However, my surviving twin is thriving at 32 weeks....I wish the same for you and more, a successful pregnancy and delivery.

Many hugs, Eve

PFM said...

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you during this difficult time.

CyberSue said...

Thanks, everybody!

Kristen said...

How are you doing today? big hugs to you both.

Katie said...

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. My every hope and prayer is that the remaining twin continues to thrive.

Hugs.

wizllama said...

I'm thinking of you, and praying for baby B. Sorry to hear of the heartache that you are going through. ///Hugs\\\

CJ said...

I am so, so sorry. My son was a twin pregnancy. I lost his twin around seven weeks. I never told him. When he was two, he was playing in his room and talking to "himself". I asked who he was talking to. He said, "My brother." I said, "You don't have a brother." He said, "Yes I do. He looks just like me and lives up there." (Pointing at the sky.)

Baby B will always be with you.

cindyhoo2 said...

Thinking of you and hoping you are doing well.

jones said...

I'm sorry about the news of little baby B and keeping you all in my thoughts. I, too, had a clot and it scared me (especially after using google). I was told to rest and was ordered to have weekly ultrasounds to monitor the size. Fortunately, it resolved on its own very, very quickly. Hoping the same for you!

mekate said...

HOPING
HOPING
HOPING

thinking of you all,
Kate

Circus Princess said...

I'm so sorry about your scary bleeding episode and sad to hear about Baby B :(
I'm keeping everything crossed that Baby A is strong and feisty and that everything turns out OK!

Thank you for you kind comment on my BFN post.

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry Claire. Thinking of you all.

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