Sunday, January 31, 2010

Half-way to FET and other life altering thoughts

I realize I haven’t posted much about the whole TTC process recently (except to boast about my cervix) but it's high time I told you all how things are going with the getting ready for FET process.
I had my baseline ultrasound and blood-work: fine. Then Day 7 u/s and b/w = Lining 6 and estrogen only 75. Just like last time. So they upped my estrogen by one vaginally per day and on day 10 it was lining 8.5 and estrogen 275  - or something like that. The nurse sounded pleased with that progress. When I read about all you IVFers and injectible med peeps with E2 in the thousands I get a little alarmed but they assured me that as long as it's over 150 I am fine. Last time when we did the fresh embie transfer my E2 did get progressively higher and my lining was great - 11 I think - but I can't help wondering if it was the E2 that was the problem so I am happily popping those pills like candy. I don't know if anyone else had this but something is making my stomach upset (upper and lower) and I was wondering if the E2 was the culprit?
This is my second time on the IVF side of the clinic (as opposed to the monitoring side which is a whole different section) and I'm getting used to the nurses and the ultra-sound techs. I find that the friendlier I am with them the nicer they are to me. I know - it's not rocket science, but I tend to be pretty reserved and withdrawn during this whole process and it really has helped me to lighten up a little. Most of the nurses know that I only have one vein that works - on my left arm - and are cool with that.  The nurse yesterday decided to change it up and look for one on my right arm but she didn't get very far with that. I think maybe I should offer them the back of my hand next time - just for variety. The other day, one of them said - "Oh hi, you're back  - I'm sorry - I remember you and your husband from before" and I said - " I don't think so, I don't have a husband."  She apologized and I think she felt bad about it because she came back and said; "don't worry, I don't have a husband either!" and she also pointed at another nurse and said, "Neither does she." I smiled and thought to myself (though I didn't say it) but I have a honey at home - she’s just not my husband. It's not like it's a secret - if they really read my chart they would know - although because I am a lesbian and there is no "man" involved I am seen as a single woman (and this only changes when S comes to appointments - which is rare - and that's fine by me). I am just happy when she comes to the transfer with me.
It's funny, because I am "older" I always imagine that the clinic will be full of older women but in fact it's not true at all. I know scientifically IF is not all about age - not at all - but I am always surprised to see really young looking women at the clinic doing IVF. They are all mostly skinny and white too, but that's probably the demographic of the surrounding area and those who have the best insurance  / higher incomes and can afford IVF are disproportionally white - which sucks for everyone. Actually, the surrounding area is a yuppyfying area that borders on some of the most dilapidated and neglected public housing in Chicago - most of it has been knocked down but there are still some high -rises remaining, so no, that does not reflect the demographic of the area. Most of the people who originally lived in the neighborhood have had to move to other even poorer and more disenfranchised neighborhoods far south of there.   The displacement and discrimination in that so called housing policy is plain ugly.

Generally I am feeling low key and not particularly inspired about anything. Yesterday when I woke up I had a sudden mid life crisis moment of feeling that I was wasting my whole life and I should be doing something different. (Not the baby project, but my work). I think that this was sparked by a friend of mine posting on FB that she was going to Costa Rica on spring break and it just hit me that all I seem to do is work work work, rest on the couch, walk the dogs, eat, sleep, poop, pee, and sometimes hang out with other people. Of course S and I do stuff together - but since her focus is so much on her schoolwork and just surviving working full time and commuting and getting her books read and papers written, I often feel that I am limiting my activities and fun also and I don't have the energy to do much else. She does more than her fair share of the work so that is nothing to complain about.  I am so glad she is doing this and fulfilling her dream - it would be unbearable for her and I if she weren’t able to do this - and she is so good at it and so excited about it, it's beautiful to watch.  She really inspires me.

I just really want to go somewhere new and do something new. I feel like even though my job is helping people I don't really see the benefits of it much at all and it wears me down. I know it's not all about results but I need to find my creativity somewhere.......

In other news...S and I decided to get married over Christmas ( big fanfare!!!!) and we have had fun thinking about that and telling people slowly. It will  be a wedding in our  UCC church,  probably in May or June, and  it won't be "legal" but we are also   thinking about going to Iowa ( the nearest right -on marriage state) and doing it legally. We are considering a place called Decorah ( well, S doesn't know this yet, but I am going to talk to her about it! - newsflash, I just talked to her about it and she is all in favor!) It's five hours from Chicago and seems like the cutest mid-west town with lots of amenities and ia welcoming to queers like us!

So yes, big stuff. And the house is a mess and I'm going to hire a cleaning service because I just don't feel like doing  it myself. And I know that speaks of privilege and  infinite largesse, but I can count on one hand the times we have hired a cleaner. I know lots of people who have them every two weeks but we have never felt like we can afford it. As I say to S - it's either a dog-walker  (twice a week to give us a break or when we come home late ) or a cleaner. We can't have both! Well this month maybe we can. ( Update - I just broke down and swept the floors after having a tantrum about all our STUFF!)

So those are my ramblings of the moment. My last u/s and b/w is on Wednesday 3rd and that will be when we get the go ahead for the FET on February 9th. So only ten days to go. Woo hoo!


Malea said...

"all I seem to do is work work work, rest on the couch, walk the dogs, eat, sleep, poop, pee, and sometimes hang out with other people."

This part made me laugh out loud:)

Maybe if you start looking now you can get a sweet deal on a trip like Costa Rica later this year or even right before the baby is born. This far in advance you're bound to find something cheap.

And i hate to tell you this,but from what i hear motherhood doesn't exactly add any excitement to the list of things above. Babies are only portable for a short time and the need to keep them on a schedule will cramp your tripping the light fantastic anyway.

I just think you'll experience a different kind of excitement to replace the one you think you're getting short changed on:)

Here's to" champagne wishes and caviar dreams."

cindyhoo2 said...

Hi pal! I have thought about your cycle many times... ok, that is not the sort of sentence you can say to just anyone. It sounds like you are right on track for some happy news in mid-Feb.

I know what you mean about days becoming routine and wondering about a new career path. I feel that way also. I think about law school and I think about wonderful bikini-clad vacations. Then I plop onto the couch and watch some Project Runway after I empty the dishwasher. Welcome to my glamorous life. :)

As for a housekeeper--- I hear you loud and clear. I fuss because I am the only person who really cleans around here but I just cannot bring myself to pay a housekeeper either. Somehow I wonder if this is some sort of left over Puritan work ethic vs being the perfect modern woman. (?)
The luxury I do allow myself.... a massage EVERY month. It is fabulous and I don't even care if I have to scrub my own toilets to be able to afford the massage.

Fat Chick said...

That is sooooo much big stuff going on! Wow!! Really exciting, happy big stuff. Neato! I'll be checking back for details...

And I think I know the clinic of which you speak, and yeah, it always got to me too. I had to go to the separate phlebotomy room (if we are talking about the same place), and I remember comparing how the demographics in that room - people from every clinic in the hospital go there - matched the demographics of the surrounding area. The IVF clinic? Not so much. Depressing.

On another note, GOOD LUCK! I'm cheering for you!!!

J and DZ said...

Congrats on your upcoming wedding! You should come to Toronto to make it legal!! Only a 9 hour drive and Pride Toronto (end of June) is pretty cool. You could make a great trip out of it coming at that time of the year!
I have my FX for you this cycle!

Lisa said...

can't wait to hear more about your wedding.

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

Don't worry about your E2 level compared to ladies going through a fresh IVF! Your follies will produce 100-200pg/ml each, so it a fresh IVF, it's easy to get into the thousands with 5+ follies. But on an FET, you don't have follies producing E2, and your level is picture perfect. And that lining! Oh la la! ;)

Congratulations on your wedding plans, how fun!! I'm so glad you're close enough to a progressive state to make plans without a hassle. I hope you continue to update on the planning!

Trinity said...

Woooo! Congrats on the wedding plans! I frickin' hate that you have to travel anywhere to exchange your vows, but it sounds like it could be a pretty awesome trip. I'm excited for you and S! Please keep us updated! :)

I have been wondering how you were doing this cycle. It's good to have an update on the FET process. I am hoping big hopes for you!

I have toyed with hiring a housekeeper, even for just once monthly. I feel somewhat guilty admitting that, but whatever. We have two dogs and four cats, and it seems like we can't keep up with all the pet hair. What in the hell will we do if we ever manage to bring a baby home, right? Gah.

I have put myself on a FB vacation, and it's been delightful. At first I felt like I was missing all of these important updates on peeps, but that just prompted me to email folks more often, which is probably a good thing. Seriously, if I had $5 for ever FB-induced mini-meltdown I've had in the last year, I could take you out to lunch. Good riddance, I say.

Keeping you in my thoughts! :)

Pufferfish said...

Wow, lots of things going on!
Congrats on the upcoming wedding!
Maybe you can plan a little vacation around it and get away? We have every intention of traveling with the kids, so fear not. Of you really want to do something you will find a way, right? Just like this cycle!
Get the cleaner. We have someone come every 2 weeks and it's worth every dollar and I am not ashamed at all, but maybe it's a NYC thing.

C said...

Wow! So much great news in one post!!! Congratulations on the wedding and upcoming FET.

Wishing you the best!

Anonymous said...

Decorah, Iowa! This is hilarious, because Decorah happens to be the place of my baptism back in '78. We were NYers at the time, but my uncle (a minister) lived in Decorah, so we flew out there for the big dunk. I was something like 2 months old last I was there so I can't make any recommendations. But I'm tickled that it's a gay marriage destination now!

Congratulations on getting married too! I probably should have started with that.

The cycle update is good - it's getting close now, very exciting. I know what you mean about your job and feeling like you never do exciting things. I think ttc has a way of making our lives feel more stuck and highlighting the other stuff we're not so excited about.

癢癢 said...

好熱鬧喔 大家踴躍的留言 讓部落格更有活力.........................

Missy said...

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. I wish you didn't have to go to such lengths to make it legal. Good luck with the FET.

anofferingoflove said...

congrats on the upcoming nuptials! how wonderful!

sounds like the FET cycle is progressing nicely, i cant wait to hear more.

i totally hear you on the mundane life/career - one of our favorite household topics is what we are going to do after winning the lottery. its fun to dream!

BelowAverageAthlete said...

Thanks for checking in! Things are going good, but going really slow. I find out tomorrow when the transfer will be and I am excited about that! If it looks good we will be on the same day or within a few of each other All in all much better than a fresh cycle.

Congrats on getting married!!! Very exciting!!! Hopefully, you can plan a fun trip for a honeymoon. Or Iowa can be fun. I had a great time in Cedar Falls once. However, I think it was the people that made if fun.

I will be reading.

MAJ Bryen said...

Wow! Congrats on your marriage! How exciting!! I have been to Iowa once before and found it suprisingly nice and even cool. Good luck with your FET, I've got my fingers crossed for good things for you!

Suzy said...

Congrats on the wedding plans! How exciting :)

I know what you mean about work work work and nothing else. I feel like I never see my partner anymore, she works too much :( It's not healthy!

FX for your upcoming FET...KUP, cant wait to hear some good news :)