Half-way to FET and other life altering thoughts

I realize I haven’t posted much about the whole TTC process recently (except to boast about my cervix) but it's high time I told you all how things are going with the getting ready for FET process.
I had my baseline ultrasound and blood-work: fine. Then Day 7 u/s and b/w = Lining 6 and estrogen only 75. Just like last time. So they upped my estrogen by one vaginally per day and on day 10 it was lining 8.5 and estrogen 275  - or something like that. The nurse sounded pleased with that progress. When I read about all you IVFers and injectible med peeps with E2 in the thousands I get a little alarmed but they assured me that as long as it's over 150 I am fine. Last time when we did the fresh embie transfer my E2 did get progressively higher and my lining was great - 11 I think - but I can't help wondering if it was the E2 that was the problem so I am happily popping those pills like candy. I don't know if anyone else had this but something is making my stomach upset (upper and lower) and I was wondering if the E2 was the culprit?
This is my second time on the IVF side of the clinic (as opposed to the monitoring side which is a whole different section) and I'm getting used to the nurses and the ultra-sound techs. I find that the friendlier I am with them the nicer they are to me. I know - it's not rocket science, but I tend to be pretty reserved and withdrawn during this whole process and it really has helped me to lighten up a little. Most of the nurses know that I only have one vein that works - on my left arm - and are cool with that.  The nurse yesterday decided to change it up and look for one on my right arm but she didn't get very far with that. I think maybe I should offer them the back of my hand next time - just for variety. The other day, one of them said - "Oh hi, you're back  - I'm sorry - I remember you and your husband from before" and I said - " I don't think so, I don't have a husband."  She apologized and I think she felt bad about it because she came back and said; "don't worry, I don't have a husband either!" and she also pointed at another nurse and said, "Neither does she." I smiled and thought to myself (though I didn't say it) but I have a honey at home - she’s just not my husband. It's not like it's a secret - if they really read my chart they would know - although because I am a lesbian and there is no "man" involved I am seen as a single woman (and this only changes when S comes to appointments - which is rare - and that's fine by me). I am just happy when she comes to the transfer with me.
It's funny, because I am "older" I always imagine that the clinic will be full of older women but in fact it's not true at all. I know scientifically IF is not all about age - not at all - but I am always surprised to see really young looking women at the clinic doing IVF. They are all mostly skinny and white too, but that's probably the demographic of the surrounding area and those who have the best insurance  / higher incomes and can afford IVF are disproportionally white - which sucks for everyone. Actually, the surrounding area is a yuppyfying area that borders on some of the most dilapidated and neglected public housing in Chicago - most of it has been knocked down but there are still some high -rises remaining, so no, that does not reflect the demographic of the area. Most of the people who originally lived in the neighborhood have had to move to other even poorer and more disenfranchised neighborhoods far south of there.   The displacement and discrimination in that so called housing policy is plain ugly.

Generally I am feeling low key and not particularly inspired about anything. Yesterday when I woke up I had a sudden mid life crisis moment of feeling that I was wasting my whole life and I should be doing something different. (Not the baby project, but my work). I think that this was sparked by a friend of mine posting on FB that she was going to Costa Rica on spring break and it just hit me that all I seem to do is work work work, rest on the couch, walk the dogs, eat, sleep, poop, pee, and sometimes hang out with other people. Of course S and I do stuff together - but since her focus is so much on her schoolwork and just surviving working full time and commuting and getting her books read and papers written, I often feel that I am limiting my activities and fun also and I don't have the energy to do much else. She does more than her fair share of the work so that is nothing to complain about.  I am so glad she is doing this and fulfilling her dream - it would be unbearable for her and I if she weren’t able to do this - and she is so good at it and so excited about it, it's beautiful to watch.  She really inspires me.

I just really want to go somewhere new and do something new. I feel like even though my job is helping people I don't really see the benefits of it much at all and it wears me down. I know it's not all about results but I need to find my creativity somewhere.......

In other news...S and I decided to get married over Christmas ( big fanfare!!!!) and we have had fun thinking about that and telling people slowly. It will  be a wedding in our  UCC church,  probably in May or June, and  it won't be "legal" but we are also   thinking about going to Iowa ( the nearest right -on marriage state) and doing it legally. We are considering a place called Decorah ( well, S doesn't know this yet, but I am going to talk to her about it! - newsflash, I just talked to her about it and she is all in favor!) It's five hours from Chicago and seems like the cutest mid-west town with lots of amenities and ia welcoming to queers like us!

So yes, big stuff. And the house is a mess and I'm going to hire a cleaning service because I just don't feel like doing  it myself. And I know that speaks of privilege and  infinite largesse, but I can count on one hand the times we have hired a cleaner. I know lots of people who have them every two weeks but we have never felt like we can afford it. As I say to S - it's either a dog-walker  (twice a week to give us a break or when we come home late ) or a cleaner. We can't have both! Well this month maybe we can. ( Update - I just broke down and swept the floors after having a tantrum about all our STUFF!)

So those are my ramblings of the moment. My last u/s and b/w is on Wednesday 3rd and that will be when we get the go ahead for the FET on February 9th. So only ten days to go. Woo hoo!