Brown

Sorry for the silence.

More soon, I hope. All is well. Except no brown photo of Isobel this time:(

Grey

Hyde Park pavement

Old Grey Goose at University of Chicago's Comer Children's Hospital

Pensive Isobel at the pediatrician's office

PSA - baby monitor for paranoid moms brings Tireegal relief

I have been meaning to post about this for a while but for some reason I think it might offend somebody.
I can't see why, because as far as I am concerned I am doing you all a public service by telling you about my newly found peace of mind, but I have the feeling it might piss some people off. So I apologize if I am pissing you off or offending you.

I was worried about SIDS the day we came home from the hospital and I have been worried ever  since. At first I just thought, well there is nothing I can do about it, I just have to suck it up and get over it and pray that Isobel is okay. Of course I pray that SIDS and all other things that kill babies and that end pregnancies and that stop pregnancies developing and anything else I have missed cease and desist from ruining so many beautiful peoples' lives. As a new mother, I feel sensitized to every child's suffering, every being's suffering, and the earth's suffering  and it makes me a teary mess. I lie awake at night in wonderment of motherhood and also I go dark places thinking about all the bad things I might not be able to prevent happening to Isobel.

Anyway, one day I decided to Go.ogle SIDs to see if I could find anything to reassure me. I learned about the risk factors ( some of which were new to me), what to do to try to prevent SIDS, and then I learned about products designed to help neurotic parents like me monitor their babies' breathing and movement. And I thought, 'why not?" Why, if I know that there is a product that could help me not worry so much, and could alert me to a potential problem with Isobel's breathing, why wouldn't I get it?
So I did. It's called Snu.za and it's like a little pager your child wears while they sleep. It registers their movement ( breathing) and sets off a series of alarms that remind the baby to breathe and then to alert you to the lack of breathing if that happens. It works great if you have a baby like mine that sleeps sometimes in her crib and sometimes with us. The only problem is that you need to fasten it to her diaper and depending on how many layers of clothing she is wearing, you don't want to do this once she is asleep because by the time you have finished rustling in her drawers she will have woken up. I usually put it on when I get her ready for bed or naps but often forget and have to scramble. You can put it on her pants waistband if you want to and she is wearing pants and a t shirt or onesie.

So, I like the Snu.za but I am still having a hard time putting her down in her crib without waking her up ( yes, we are not onto the part of sleep magic where she can put herself to sleep quietly in her crib, so for now, I am putting her down asleep). So I remember that I have seen another product called an AngelCare Monitor that you can put in the crib which would make it easier to put Isobel down in the crib without waking her and fumbling around. So I bought it. All this courtesy of internet shopping, which is my new best friend.

So now, as she approaches her fourth month birthday, Isobel is  armed with a small arsenal of anti-SIDs monitors. And the reason I am telling you all this, is not because I am working for Amazon.com but because I read about all my blog friends' babies and want to protect them too. I wish someone had told me about this technology earlier. But I am glad I found out about it. I asked my brother about it and he told me that his partner had bought a special mattress to prevent SIDS when their boy was a baby. It seems people do these things a lot, but they don't talk about them. So I am talking about it.

From two points of light to Isobel- with pics

One year ago today, two tiny bundles of cells were transfered into my uterus.

not the real thing, but looking like a little meteor!

I didn't see the points of light flash on the ultrasound screen, but Susan did, and I imagined them as I had seen our single fresh embryo transfer in December 2009. I was re-reading that post and I am so glad that I wrote about it because without it, the details are sketchy.
I know it is a cliche, but I can't believe the difference a year makes. To think that Isobel grew from one of those tiny embryos and came out looking so light filled and perfect is really amazing.

Isobel newly born on 10/17/2010

It isn't because I did anything special or right or had good ju ju - I think it's just random. Because how else could one ofour dear blog friends' turtles be so very sick after all they have been through. They are beautiful, good, sweet people and they have endured some of the worst that IF and Loss has to offer. Please go over and give them some support, hugs, prayers, hold their hands and make that little turtle better fast!

Yesterday I took Isobel to see my therapist, who I have been seeing since 2003.  We were reminiscing about the first time I went to see her and almost the first words out of my mouth were, "I want to have a baby". From those first words, through ambivalence, to the imaginings, to optimism, struggles and finally to Isobel. A long 7 years. So glad to be this side of those years. And looking at this light bright face everyday.

Isobel on 2/5/2011

And now I have a crying Isobel  to tend to.
Goodnight:)

Wordless Wednesday

pic by Susan, of Tgal approx 1.30am 2/2/11

January: Blue

Thanks to S at http://anofferingoflove.wordpress.com/  for hosting this color photography project  while having new born twins and the cutest toddler on the block! I am not a photography zealot by any means, although I did start out on a box camera of my dad's that took photos in rolls of eight, so you really had to pick your shots  because you only got eight at a time - a far cry from the digital age where you can quite happily snap 100s and not spend a penny on a print. I took these with Susan's six year old  Canon  Digital Rebel EOS. I repeat: I am not a photographer.  I wish I could figure out how to display them beautifully as our host  did but I don't have photo shop and it's late, so here we are.

We have blue and white "christmas lights" all around our living room. We haven't taken them down because they brighten our garden apartment up and Isobel loves them.

Ma "blues" - that's what me and S call our blue crocs!

Blue sideboard still life -  the tall patterned thing that looks like a drum is a percussion instrument that makes a sound  like a little thunder machine

Isobel chillaxin on the couch with one of her books. We read it to her last night. It's a really cute story and it's about Blueberries!!!

I think looking at these photos,  we could say it's a blue and yellow / white theme!
Enjoy!

Happy Three Month Birthday, Isobel!

Here are a few recent photos of Isobel which show just what a joy she is to us and how she completely beguiles us with her smiles.

I can't believe it has been such a long time since I posted. I hang out on all your blogs all day via my I Phone and comment when I can, but it's almost impossible to get time to type on a computer with both hands these days.

Now I have about 5 weeks of thoughts all jumbled up in my head and I am wondering what to write.

First of all, I am so happy that Isobel is three months! I don't want to wish the time away  fast but at the same time I really like the fact that she is growing and changing and getting bigger and stronger. She weighs about 11 lbs and a few ounces now and is about 22 inches long. She has learnt to suck on her fingers, to sit up and "dance" - which is really her rocking and rolling while sitting on our laps. In the last few weeks she started cooing and having all sorts of cute things to say. We took her to the church where Susan is doing her internship yesterday and she was a big hit. Especially when she started talking and then hiccuping very loudly during some deep quiet moment. I had to leave the sanctuary for a while with her and while we were gone, the minister prayed for Isobel's hiccups to go away. We got to sit at the front of the church for the children's moment - all these aremilestones which seem so surreal and exciting all at once.

She is pretty happy go lucky - which is a huge complement from yours truly. She is fun and likes to be out and about and experience new things and people. She does not like sleeping by herself and she  is definitely attached to Susan and me. She is not one of those babies that wants to hang by themselves a lot - if there are such babies! She likes to hang on her activity mat and chill for about ten minutes at a time and is starting to play with the toys that are dangling for short periods of time; she is not crazy about her bouncy chair; we spend a lot of time holding her which is of course the best. This week we hope to get a swing to vary her scenery a bit. I am still not able to put her in the moby wrap or Ergo with the infant insert. She hates it and I get upset and take her out immediately when she starts to cry.

We are so happy to see her smile and giggle and watch her eyes light up when she is feeling happy. Susan is the master ( or mistress) of gas relief and has some funny rhymes that she says while she is bouncing Isobel on her lap. The worst times for Isobel are around 5pm onwards when her gas seems to be really bad and she can't relax very much. She has got a really good pair of lungs!

Susan went back to work at the beginning of January after two months plus of blissful family leave and it's now just me and Isobel at home Monday to Friday during the day. We started going to a baby  and me group at a local child development center and I have been feverishly joining Meet Up groups and signing up for play-dates so we have something to do every day or so outside the house. So far we have one play date this week and I am working on some more. We also signed up for Infant Massage class and Baby Sign Language for next month. Apparently being a stay at home mother with an infant is not just about staying at home! Now I am getting to be a pro at driving with Isobel in my car and lugging her seat around I have a new appreciation for the whole drive through idea. I now know where the drive through Starbucks which is a big help to this decaf latte drinking mama.

I am going to close now and try to come back this week for short posts about things I actually think about and cogitate over, rather than this rather run of the mill list of what we are doing. I do actually have deep thoughts about life and mommyhood, it's just they are escaping me now.