Monday, November 30, 2009

Transfer tomorrow:) and the beginnings of baby controversies!

Last I heard on Saturday there were 13 embryos still growing!!! Woo hoo!!! I love you, beautiful egg donor! And sperm donor, you are just wonderful too!!!
Today I heard that the transfer is at 10.40 am tomorrow, December 1st,  and I have to arrive at 9.40am in order to sit and drink a whole bottle of water to fill my bladder. Sure, it's the LEAST I can do!
No-one told me how many embryos there are or how they are choosing the ones to transfer.
At this point I feel like I am on a conveyor belt and I really need to get the guts up to call them back and ask about the embryos. Which I am about to do.
So I just called - the lab people are gone for the day, but the doctor will review everything with me before the transfer - I feel a bit more reassured that they are actually interested in  me and the embryos. I know they are, I just wish they would be a bit more forthcoming with information!!! How do I know what to expect - I have never done it before:)
So I am excited, if slightly annoyed at the big business baby factory for being so cursory in their communications.
So then I decided it is probably a good idea to make sure I know what I should and shouldn't be eating - as I will be Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (PUPO)  starting tomorrow. I have to admit I have paid scant attention to any of this stuff- because- you know - I was never even close to being pregnant before. I think I have uncovered a controversy in babyland - it's called - "everyone has an opinion about everything and it's up to you to figure out what to do"!!!! And that's just on the soft cheese issue! ( I  know, I know - you all figured it out before me - but it just hit me that getting pregnant - while the hard part  - has been largely uncontroversial  if rather painful for me).  I mean maybe because after a short foray into "natural" (sic) baby-making I gave myself up to the fertility doctor gods and just did what they told me it has not been controversial. When you tell people IRL about fertility stuff, either they are so gob-smacked at what you are telling them that they don't have an opinion, can't even uncross their eyes from all the fertility secrets you have just told them about - or they feel so sorry for you that they don't dare tell you what they really think, i.e. how dare you mess with nature? why would you spend that much money on a baby when there are millions of unwanted ( by all the fertile couples) babies in the world languishing in orphanages, or don't you know that lesbians are only supposed to have babies with their heterosexual husbands who they then leave? I could ask them why they would spend $30,000 on a car, which is an inanimate object that will rust and crumple in at least the next ten years? But I digress.....
My point is- get ready for controversy, people! ( Oh, I forgot, you already know about it - it's me that is clueless!!!!) Diapers, birth plans, sleeping, etc etc. Of course I will embrace these controversies with an eager spirit and a willing heart - but YIKES!!!
By the way I'll let you know when I figure out these things - and I 'll send you the list of fool-proof do's and dont's so you don't have to go through it:)
I will keep you all posted.  After the transfer I am hanging out on the couch and taking it easy for a day or two -my clinic does not recommend bed-rest ( and you know I do everything they tell me to do)- but I am off work for a week, so my stress levels should be about 300% less than normal!
Thanks for all your support! Big time fingers crossed!xoxoxoxoooxxxxooxoxoxox

Friday, November 27, 2009

All systems go!!! ETA 1st PIO shot down!

I don't know about it being Black Friday as I am on an anti-consuming kick, ( see how long that lasts if I get my BFP! ) but it's definitely HAPPY FRIDAY!
Thanks to our lovely super-fertile egg donor we have 15 mature eggs that fertilized = 15 embryos.  We are waiting to see how they grow in the lab and will hear later today to find out when the transfer is going to be. It could be Sunday or Tuesday. It's going to be two embies.
Everything is looking good from my end ( pun maybe intended) and I am "ready to receive"! i.e. I have an 11.6 lining, it's got all the grooves and snuggle places an embryo needs and the nurse told me that she thinks my estrogen will be fine - it was 107 last I heard. Apparently as long as my lining looks good and my E2 is okay I am good to go. I hope those extra E2 suppositories (!) have been helping!
So today I start the really big shots of Progesterone in Oil ( with a circle drawn in marker on my butt to give S something to aim for ) and antibiotic and prometrium. Still on Lupron, Estrace and baby aspirin and of course pre natals and vegetarian DHA. the nurse suggested that I put a cold pack on my butt for about 5 mins before the shot and a hot flannel and heating pad on afterwards. Any additional advice would be helpful.Keep everything crossed for us:)

And in your news, let me say that I am aware I have been missing in action and I apologize. I have about 10 days in which to catch up. I have been swamped at work and have time to read posts quickly to find out how you are all doing,but rarely time to comment. I will make it all up to you I promise. Thanks for all your love and support and cheering - I honestly can't believe I am even here and although I often sound upbeat and try to cheer myself on,  the first time I really smiled  ( not fake polite smiled) at the Clinic was today when the nurse told me that 15 embryos was great and my uterus was great and all looked really great - was I excited? and I let myself get excited and even envision what a BFP might look like. I have never even let myself fantasize about a BFP  - or not since those heady ignorant days of IUIs when I thought anyone in a skirt could get pregnant ( and those in pants like me, too!). Those were the days, my friends, and these are the days too!

I wish that everyone of us could get to feel excited and hopeful and fantasize about BFPs  in this  game of waiting and planning and grey drudgery that is IF.

BFPs for one and all! Hip Hip Hurray!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

the high achiever and the also ran... with update at bottom

The high achiever? The egg donor who on day six of stims has a lorryload* of follies that are approaching 17 and 18  ( is that mm?).  I got the call from the clinic today to say that the donor, "hmmmm...rattle rattle.... let me look at the computer screen....hmmm.... yes, errrrrmmm, she was seen at another clinic, yes, she has ermm......... well she is on day six and she already has lots of follicles and is responding really well to the meds, her estrogen is 900 and we are a little worried that she is going too fast."
Me: what are you going to do?
Nurse: watch her like a hawk.
I hope she knows that watching like a hawk does not equal preventing early ovulation.
She tells me that she is going to talk to the doctor this afternoon at home and I ask her to get back to me. She says she will.
The also ran? Rewind to Friday and my b/w and u/s at the clinic. Lining: faint at 7, b/w: estrogen low at 74. Where should it be? About 150 by now. The nice very cheerful egg donor coordinator answers my frantic e-mail to say that I am doing about average and not to worry.
But the problem is - it's day six of stims, the ER is supposed to be in 7 more days -will she hang in there with those wopping follies for six more days and can I catch up with my lousy estrogen levels?
I really don't know if they get it. Do they get what a big deal this is? Please do not let those follies sneak through on their own.
I know I am over-reacting..... I just wish there was something I could do!
Am I being too passive? Should I call the clinic back and say, WTF is going on? Please put a lock on those follies so they can't escape!!
So if anyone knows anything about estrogen levels and how much is too much and how little is too little, please tell me, because I wish I could say I know, but I don't.
Thanks for listening to my hyper ventilational ranting. I wish I could say it was my hormones!

The cheerful nurse coordinator does not think things are looking bad and foresees Ovidrel tomorrow and retrieval on T day! I think the nurse I spoke to was just being a drama queen. At least that is what I am hoping!

*lorry is the word for we in Britain use for what we in the US call trucks. The biggest ones are called articulated lorries! How is that for a mouthful!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


This is my sixty first post! And one year anniversary! I never thought I would make it a whole year.  When I started this I could not even contemplate what "in a year's time" might be. I had my eyes on the prize: IVF  January 2009. Let's face it - when I started blogging, I didn't really even know what blogging was. I knew other people who did it. Something in me wanted to join the club.

Here is my first ever blog entry. I may never have gotten much further than that except for my first ever commenter  An Offering of Love, who spurred me on. By the way, S. of the aforementioned blog gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at the beginning of November! Hop on over and congratulate her. I hope to follow in her footsteps! By the way, if you are listening, God (dess), I am totally open to gender!

So why did I call this blog happy-go-lucky? I would never typify myself as happy-go-lucky. More like anxiety-go-melancholy. I think that I generally present a fairly cheerful exterior to the world at large ( correct me if I am wrong IRL peeps!). But just below the surface is a pent up ball of worry - wartiness and gloom. I had just been to see the Mike Leigh film, whose name I borrowed for my blog, and it inspired me aim for the same sense of guileless cheer exhibited by  the the main character. She is a free spirit, open to a good time, largely unaffected by worldly worries or obsessions.  I was feeling hollow, lost, alone, and vulnerable ( yes, even while I was focusing on  IVF 2009)  and  felt pretty much like nothing was ever going to go right. So I started my blog on a whim; the name came to me in a split second; I put my virtual tile out into the ether and waited for inspiration.  Shortly afterwards I picked my signature picture which I wrote about here. 

When we have a child, my  hope is that she will have  a happy-go-lucky character,  and not  be burdened by stress and angst. We picked donors who had happy-go-lucky qualities. I am going to do my best to show our little one that there are other ways to be than with clenched teeth and adrenaline pump overload. Susan will be good at that when I fall by the wayside.  Of course, in the spirit of self direction and self determination, we will try to help her to be true to herself. Whatever that looks like. I am not going to turn being happy-go-lucky into a religion, or a pre-requisite for being loved.

So that, my friends, is the story of how happy-go-lucky was born. On a cold winters night in November 2008. And in just  over 3 short weeks we may know the date (if not the disposition) of our own little baby's birth.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Post haste

Period: Missing.

Work: Overwhelming. Stayed late. Again. Resentful.

Blogoversary:  imminent. One year. November 18th.

Lupron:  Still shooting.

Baseline U/S: Thursday.

Blog reading: Lacking. Time crunch.

Dear wife: Cute. Buttonly. Dear.

Dogs: lush couch surfers.

Cats: Sweet. Not really  feral. Need forever homes.

Greening: Three  seconds with three ply soft toilet paper. Worse than driving a Hummer whilst eating fast food.

Books: longing for  a good read.

Lips: pursed.

Teeth: ground.

I-pod app: Vegas pool!

Fellow bloggers: Awesome. Heroic. The best.

Bedtime: ten minutes.