EIght weeks of Isobel!

Yes, it's really me. I am really posting about life as a mum or should I say, life as mums.
I have been so bad at blogging about our little sweet-pea but I couldn't let her 8 week birthday go by without saying something!
There is so much to say and there are many posts in my head, but I fear I can't get it all down before she succumbs to hunger and mama milkies ( that's me) has to step in and offer a boob ( right now, actually!)

Here are some of the things that she has been doing. She has been smiling a bit more every day and today we got her on tape laughing and smiling. She is getting more and more visually tuned in and loves to gaze at the stars we have on our wall and the Christmas lights we have twinkling. Her hands are getting to her mouth more each day and we swear she will start sucking her thumb soon.
She has the cutest little yawn which we hope to get on tape on day - she opens her mouth wide and long and then at the end of it she blows out a huge puff of air that sounds like someone letting air out of a tire. Her legs are getting stronger and so is her neck. She's able to hold her head up more.

She had her first rotten cold aged two weeks and at that difficult time I  remember thinking to myself: "what were we thinking, having a baby? We haven't a clue what we are doing!!!" But we managed to get her to the pediatrician who told us we did the right thing by coming in and told us there was nothing to do but suck out her snot, make sure the air is humidified and keep her all cosy and warm. Thanks to  a family friend we discovered the great and amazing NoseFrida - which is a snot sucker way superrior to that bulb thing they give you at the hospital. You can get it from Wholefoods or  Google it - and now run to the store and get one now if your little one has a cold. It's amazing! I think I should take out stock in the company and start selling it to all my friends and neighbors.

Isobel is a sweet and easy baby most of the time -except between about 6pm - midnight when she gets gassy and upset.  Right now she is complaining bitterly as she sits with her Mommy who is very good at soothing her and much more creative than I am: I usually whip out my boob if she is upset.

One of the most interesting  and amazing things about being  a mum ( or Mama as is my designated title) is all the things that unfold that I never in  a million years thought about while TTC and being pregnant. The first shocker was the most moving moment when I called the pediatrician ( while still in the hospital) and told them I was calling about my daughter. My daughter!!! I don't think I had ever said those words before and it choked me up. Two very powerful words! And then spelling out her name - the name that we picked and the surname that we joined our names to make.
Powerful and moving stuff.

Isobel is crying for milk and i must sign off - with some pictures.

Claire, Isobel & Kitty relaxing on the couch about a month ago.

Just today, Isobel and Mommy Susan enjoy a bit of levity. She's smiling more and more each day!

Isobel and Claire, about a week ago. Isobel is grabbing Claire's finger.

This is actually the first smile we've caught on camera. Isobel is with her Aunt Lizzie.

Isobel at the pediatrician's office about 3 weeks ago.

Relaxing at home.

another death in the family

Ten days after the death of my mother, and four months after the death of his brother Oliver, our dear sweet dog, Dylan Thomas died yesterday after a long and happy life of 14yrs.
Dylan had been sick with a bad cough caused by an inoperable tumor in his lungs since the summer and had just last week started having seizures, which we think were related to metastases in his brain. We were hoping he would be around for a little longer as he was responding to medication to stop the seizures and to stem the cough and increase his appetite. But yesterday evening he had two seizures that he never came out of and Susan and her sister took him to the emergency vet while I stayed at home with Isobel and sobbed.  We knew when the seizures would not stop that this was the end for Dylan. I gave him a hug and a kiss as he was carried out the back door at about 11pm. Susan's sister sat in the back seat of the car with   Dylan on her lap  while Susan drove the few miles to the vets. They were both with him with when he died. Susan held his head as he died and told him we loved him.
Dylan was a wonderful companion for us and for his  brother Oliver and some of the things he loved the most were chasing his  Kong and running  crashing  into the waves of the lake, snuggling on the couch and the bed with us, chasing Oliver in circles around the beach and play fighting with him, eating cat food whenever he could sneak it, and rolling in the grass and on the sand. We are going to miss him so much and are lives are changed without him. We are grateful that he and Oliver were in our lives for some of the most wonderful years.

Dylan and Ollie as puppies

Dylan and Ollie are reunited again:)

my mum

My dear mum, Patricia Ann P*, died peacefully on  Tuesday November 17th, 2010, aged 73 in Yorkshire, England. She was a  teacher, lover of literature, antiquarian bookseller, writer, pacifist, animal rights campaigner, Quaker and lover of the Hebrides.  She fought a courageous fourteen year battle with Parkinson's disease and her tenacity and spirit were an inspiration to us. My brother Jonathan,who lives close to my mother and spent countless hours visiting her, tending to her and advocating for her care, spent the last three days singing and reading to her, sharing stories and memories as she rested peacefully. He was accompanied by his partner Chayley and son Murray in his vigil and he was able to be with my mum at the end. 

Mum died on Isobel's one month birthday, and we had just sent her photos of Isobel which my brother showed to her and placed around her room. We were hoping that my mum could  meet Isobel in the summer when we were planning to visit.

When my dad died on April 17th 2008 I didn't have this blog and I didn't have Facebook.  I sent out a mass email instead. This time I put it on Facebook and sent out an email. It was comforting to get so many responses from people who wrote words of love and support. Especially being far away from most of my small family.

In some ways infertility played into my not being there for my dad's death and my mum's too. We  put off visits starting in 2007 when we were starting out on TTC. When my dad died I had let my passport lapse and had to beg the British Embassy to expedite it for me - which they beautifully did - in a matter of days. The last time I saw my mum was in April / May 2008 when we went over for my dad's funeral. TTC and cycles and waiting got in the way of that kind of long distance travel. And the thought was, we were going to get pregnant any day and it would be much more fun to visit with a baby than with a bump.  I wanted to visit in May when I was in my second trimester  but didn't because of my general anxiety about the pregnancy. Now I am a US citizen but one who has still not applied for a passport - because - well I have been busy.  I know that I couldn't get a US passport in a hurry and I also don't want to travel with Isobel when she is so young and vulnerable to viruses and germs. She has had a cold for the past three weeks as it is.  The doctor said I could do it, although she is not advocating for it, but I just don't want to. And I need to apply for my passport.

We are going to go in August as originally planned and have a memorial service for mum then.  We are going on a family holiday to the Isle of Tiree with my brother and his family and my sister. We will scatter my mum and dad's ashes on the island, which was one of their very favorite places on earth. My brother is planning mum's funeral service which will take place at the crematorium in my home town and then at the Quaker meeting that my mum was a member of for almost 40 yrs.  The service is next week, on December 1st.

I have so much other stuff to say - about being a mum, a wife, adopting our daughter, post partum depression, breastfeeding, etc etc. It is so hard to find time to blog. I read blogs while I am breastfeeding or holding Isobel but it's hard to write on the I phone.

I leave you with some pics - of my mum and dad, and of their sweet grand-daughter Isobel.

My mum and dad, Pat and Harry on our favorite beach on the Isle of Tiree, Caolas

 

mum, reading  in one of her favorite places - her garden

Isobel waiting to see the pediatrician for her one month appointment

Isobel on the table at the pediatrician wearing her cousin Murray's baby grow!

Isobel in Pictures!

We're all doing well and there's so much to say, but I'm too tired. So for now, here are some pictures of our little Isobel. Enjoy!

Our little peanut!

Sneezy!

Sleepy

Pensive

Peek-a-boo!

Talk to the hands!

Introducing the REAL Newest Member of Our Family!

Welcome to the world Isobel Emily P-S!! Isobel arrived at 4:58 p.m. on 10/17/10 (this past Sunday) rather unexpectedly.  She weighed 5 lbs, 13 oz, and is 19 inches long.  Because she's so petite, everyone's calling her "Peanut." She's the talk of the nursery because she's so cute!

I had been feeling decreased fetal movement the day before and called my midwife, who told me to go in for a non-stress test around lunchtime Sunday.  Little did we know that we'd have a baby by 4:58 p.m.!  Because there was less fetal movement and the heart rate showed less activity, that a cesarean section was necessary. I was not dilated.  Everything pointed to the fact that she wasn't very happy inside anymore, and had to come out soon.

Susan was by my side all the time, and was a champion!  We're glad Isobel came out and didn't have to be in distress.  She's a good little breastfeeder and has a lot of courage.

We're completely in love with our little Isobel. She's gorgeous!  We can't believe we get to take her home!   I have since been diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, and was on magnesium for a day, and had high blood pressure, but it's being resolved.

We'll be at the hospital until Thursday and will be going home to some undone chores!

Meet the newest addition to our family!!!

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist that! 

Meet Maisie, the duck! She was given to us for our little girl by our friend, Suzanne, who is an irrepressible anglofile and a lover of fine literature and of course, fine art!

She found Maisie at a sale of work ( like  a craft fair) in a little English village somewhere near Oxford. It's fitting that  our little girl  will have a friend like Maisie who like this mama is from England.   Maisie has a big tail and two legs but no feet. I am going to have to ask one of my skilled knitting friends to help her out because I think she really would like some feet.

In other news:

We are in the home stretch. Still plenty to do on the home front but we have the bare necessities and lots of clothes. I had this fantasy that our house would be spotless and clutter-less before the baby arrived, but alas, we are not those types of people and we just have to accept that. 

I am taking it as easy as I possibly can in between doctor's appointments, tidying, shopping and sleeping in every morning.

On the less glamorous side of things I have swollen feet, legs, eyes, nose, a huge hemorrhoid, a yeast infection and  less than reliable bladder control. I am not complaining in the least bit about it. Just telling it like it is. I might be complaining if I had to work  - but I don't so I am not. 

I got my first disability payment today - for a month off I got approximately 25% of what I normally make. Which does not seem right as the disability company said they are giving me 60% of my salary. It's enough to pay my part of the mortgage. Again not complaining because we have a little back up money - for which I am eternally grateful - otherwise the bills would not be getting paid.

We missed our prepared child birth express class when we were out of town at the end of September visiting S's mom who was dangerously ill. She is hanging in there thank god, and we are scrambling around to figure out how to get by without any kind of birth class preparation. I am reading all my birth books now that I am preparing for the possibility of a vaginal birth but not sure if that will be enough. I don't want to be judged for not doing a class!!! We have great midwives and labor support people and I am hoping they and S will help me get through this. Apparently one thing I have in my favor is that I am not a Type A personality: ( sorry to all you A's out there) - as this sometimes hinders birth because of control issues! Apparently birthing ( according to one of the books I am reading!) is about surrendering to not being in control! Yikes! But what do I know??!! I am just trying feebly to reassure myself that it will be okay. 

We did go to the tour of labor and delivery which was guided by an incredibly perky nurse. The part that scared me was when she told us that when the doctor says: "break the bed" that means  fold the bed and pull up the stirrups so that you are ready to push! Apparently midwives don't need you to break the bed and are better contortionists and can see what's going on without doing violence to the bed, so hopefully we won't be hearing those scary words! It's a very medicalized setting  -even though perky nurse kept telling us that people who work with midwives do it this way and people working with OBs do it another. There is only one birthing tub - which you have to work hard to snag but which is in such a small birthing room that you might all have to sit in the tub together.

So that's it. Miraculously, good things continue to happen over here, the baby is growing, kicking, loving all her meals, becoming more real by the minute.

I am one lucky lady. 

on being an old mother and on baby classes (warning: baby doll and fake booby picture)

Wow - those baby classes are something else. It's like being in a parellel universe where people get pregnant and have babies with regularity and ease and no-one looks like it's at all difficult. And yes, most of these people look to be around 15 years old. Which means they are probably in their twenties and thirties!

I find myself looking at them and wondering what it must be like to a. have a baby when you are "supposed to" i.e. when you are "young" and b. to not be infertile and just tick off baby making on a random  shopping list.

Of course I am making a lot of assumptions, but I just can't help it I guess.

Naturally we are the only same sex couple in our classes so far. No one has asked if S is my mother or my sister though, so that's encouraging progress I guess.

We had a lot of giggles in the breast-feeding class - where we were greeted by these words upon entering: "Take a baby and a breast and sit down."  Said baby and said breast were both cloth and supposed to be quite life like. We felt compelled to take  pictures of the breast and the baby for posterity.

Here they are:

 Wish us luck on our next class: prepared birth, the express version!