Well, I have been a busy little bee since last I wrote on this here blog. Here are the facts:
1. Went to the lawyer to have a consultation about the agreement between the egg donor and me and S. Apparently there is no law that governs egg donation in IL so it's kind of a crap shoot so you have to come up with contracts and everyone signs and hopes that if there ever is a law it will be favorable for all of us. The main thing is to create a paper trail and to memorialize our intention of being the parents of the child. ( I think, or something like that!)We also have to sign an agreement with the egg donation agency. We are waiting for the lawyer to draw up the final agreements and then we will sign them and move onto the next thing. In the documents we are called "intended mother A" ( me -the gestator) and intended mother B (S). Funny, but makes it seem more real!
2. Called another lawyer to inquire about second parent adoption and the procedure and the cost. Interestingly she said that it is a little unusual as I won't be biologically related to the child but I am the gestational mother - but she said she has done some of these before and they have gone smoothly. S ( who will be petitioning to be the second parent) has to have a police background check so I cautioned her to keep herself on the straight ( well not quite straight ) and narrow for the meantime! The cost is $1500 - $2000 depending on the case. Need to start saving up for all these extras! We don't have to do anything until about week 20 when we should contact her and let her know how it's going.
3. Ordered some more sperm as the donor we have one vial of is retired and we need two ( just in case one is a dud). So we agonized and searched and looked and listed and found this amazing guy at Cryogenic Laboratories. I like them a lot - you get a lot of info for free - I mean a lot of info!!!! and the IVF sperm is pretty cheap - as there is less of it. We decided we want him to be our number one guy ( especially after seeing his childhood photo and hearing his audio interview ) so we ordered two vials.
4. I have been engaging in a little career counseling and have decided to take the plunge and go for it full speed ahead. The reasons: I need someone to cheer me on and motivate me while I explore new careers ( and hopefully ones that are conducive to part time for good money ) and take steps to fulfill my goal of feeling satisfied and useful and creative in my work ( and less stressed). I need help selling myself, and someone to believe in me while I am doing this and someone with expertise and the two career guys (that I kind of met by accident) seem to really know what they are talking about and seem to have worked with all kinds of people - even cuckoo clocks like me! And I say that in the kindest and most loving way to myself.
5. When I saw my therapist tonight we sat there and marveled at how far I have come in pursuing my two ambivalent but persistent dreams - having a baby and getting un-stuck from my career. I could not even work on those dreams without first having the good fortune to have a great relationship with my honey and the feeling that we have a firm foundation. I remember being referred to her over five years ago when I decided I needed to have a new therapist so I could talk about how I was getting old and really wanted to think about having a baby!!! If you knew me when I was 14 years old you would really know it's been a long journey!
6. Waiting with baited breath for the lovely egg donor to come back from out of town - she gets back tomorrow and the third party coordinator is going to call her on Monday. Still waiting for that elusive period. Any day now!
Goals for next week: work on refinancing the " house" - I use that term loosely in the way that one does when one lives in a tiny garden apartment, tidy the back bedroom ready for company and ( ponder how we will somehow turn it into an office / slash nursery) and of course, win the powerball!
If I sound a little pollyanna, believe me: I have been through plenty of hedges backwards before getting to this point.
Pollyanna is a GOOD outlook. At our age, it is harder to be uber positive than to be realistic. Embrace your happy place (he he that sounded more adult than I intended).
ReplyDeleteOtherwise it sounds as though all your ducks are getting in a row to male your cycle happen. We are so lucky that all the donor/recipient issues are covered by legal agreements at the clinic. We will have to address the 2nd parent adoption thing though.
Last thought: the career counselor sounds lovely. I hope you find a well-paying profession where you can work part-time and feel creatively challenged.
It all sounds so good! Encouraged by your progress! YAY! Might like to get the names of those career counselors at some point ....
ReplyDeleteIt's really getting close now! How totally exciting! Here's hoping all your paperwork goes smoothly :)
ReplyDeleteYou go right ahead and be pollyanna! I love your positive outlook and I'm so happy that things finally seem to be falling into place for you. You've worked hard and long to get to this point, you skip, hop and do cartwheels all day long! Glad you found a sperm donor you like enough to make #1 (with 2 vials, that is). And yeah, I'm REALLY interested in learning about the career that is meaningful, creative, lower stress, part time and which brings in lots of cash! Let us know what your counselor's suggestions are. Hey, girl, you are on your way to a May or June baby!
ReplyDeletewow, you have been a busy little bee! :) sounds like things are starting to fall into place and aligning properly! i am so excited to follow along in these next few weeks!
ReplyDeleteLots of luck to you!!!
ReplyDeletegood luck! i think its great to have a pollyanna outlook
ReplyDeleteI came over from Mel's post on gentle/wicked blogging. Whenever I see someone who specifically says they love comments, I head on over to leave one. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot going on right now! Best of luck to you S, I promise to have my fingers crossed.
Thanks for your encouragement, everybody! We can finally see the "starting line!" And about all the legal rigamarole...I think the legal profession needs to catch up to present-day realities concerning motherhood and "biological motherhood." My dar old Tireegal may not be genetically related to our baby, but you can't get much more biological than gestating, giving nourishment, life, and birth!!
ReplyDeleteWoops. That was me, S, who was commenting in the last post. Didn't realize I wasn't logged into my own blogger account!
ReplyDelete