more about milk...

All is going well.  After the first few days of the "honeymoon" period of weaning, it seemed that Isobel was having a really hard time in general. She was more in need of reassurance and hugs and had quite a few melt downs. My sister reminded me that when kiddos are working on one developmental step, they will regress in another. This seemed to be the case with Isobel. So we took longer with the transition and were sure to fill her up with love as much as possible.

We are down to twice  a day ( or night, really - bedtime and first thing in the morning). Tonight we dropped the coming-home-from-work-feed / naptime-when-I am-home-feed. I felt so sad coming home knowing that we would not be having our special booby time on the couch as soon as I came in.  I sat outside in the car for a minute and pre-emptively mourned the loss of this special time. Usually I get a big hug and then am told "booby - couch". Which is my cue to divest myself of my bra and lie on our big green seen-better-days couch with Isobel and get snuggly and give milkies.

It went fairly smoothly tonight. Susan had been prepping Isobel before I came home and reminding her there would be no booby til bedtime. She had her snack and was chomping on it as I walked in the door. I told her that I loved her very much but there would be no more booby til bedtime. She said "ok" and went back to her snack and her program on the I Pad. Then we all had a tea party in the kitchen with a cute little tea set that I have been saving for a special occasion. It was a big hit and Isobel poured "tea" and added sugar and cream to her cup and proceeded to eat a pretend cupcake. She presided over the event with great care and authority, reminding us to drink our tea and eat our cupcakes if we lapsed in concentration. It was really very sweet.

I realize that this may all seem so trivial and almost sentimental, especially to readers who are in the throes of TTC and the rawness of infertility and treatment.  I admit, I am sentimental about it.  The reason I am doing it is very clear to me.  Only to get pregnant again.  And to help Isobel avoid further tooth decay ( which may or may not be related to breast feeding at night). Without this need to go off meds for a mandatory mammogram and the meds for pre pregnancy I would be nursing Isobel at night for a long time to come.

So far we have not had to do a no nursing nap time / night time session. That I am not looking forward to. We have til the beginning of January when I will have a scheduled mammogram and then go in for baseline testing again to prepare for the cycle. 

One of my baby mama friends announced that she is pregnant. She is the fourth of our group of baby mamas to get pregnant with a second baby. Two of those babies have been born, two are on the way. I can't help think that all my friend had to do was have sex in order to get pregnant. What does that even look like? How is that even possible? Not in my wildest imagination.  I know it's how most people have babies, but to me, it seems so ridiculously mockingly easy peasy and cruelly so far out of my reach.

So I wean and get ready for a FET. That's my reality.