Thursday, December 10, 2009

tails I lose...update at bottom:(

The odds were fifty fifty - like flipping a coin.
Except that it was a lot harder to do than that.
I took an Early Pregnancy Test tonight at 10pm after I had been putting it off all night and it was clearly BFN from almost the start of reading it.
S held my hand and we both squinted at it, but the second line did not appear.
I haven't been feeling anything different except for a small moment of gagginess yesterday morning.
I wasn't convinced but  I was hoping for a surprise.
So that's what happened to the perfect embryo and the happy uterus.
I have to go take the blood test tomorrow at 8.30 in the fricking freezing morning.
Then they will call me at work with my results.
Which I already know.
Ugh!

Update: The nurse called. The test was negative. I have a consult  next Thursday with my doctor to talk about a frozen embryo cycle in January. I am stopping my meds and waiting for AF and then will start the dreaded BCPs then.
at

38 comments:

  1. cindyhoo2December 10, 2009 at 9:22 PM

    Dammit! I am so sorry that the hpt did not give you the right result. Such a crushing disappointment. I am wishful that tomorrow's beta brings a pleasant surprise. ((hugs))

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  2. AnonymousDecember 10, 2009 at 9:58 PM

    I'm sorry. Here's hoping it's too early for POAS and you still get your BFP tomorrow. Everything crossed for you.

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  3. KDecember 10, 2009 at 10:10 PM

    Crap.

    I am so sorry. :-(

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  4. SchroedingerDecember 11, 2009 at 3:46 AM

    SHIT! I hope that the stick is wrong, but man, that really freakin' stinks!

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  5. Finn's MomDecember 11, 2009 at 4:51 AM

    Oh no, I'm so sorry! I've told this story many times, but last fall I took a negative HPT and then later that same day had a beta that came back at 60. I'm praying it was too early/bad test. If not, I'm sorry :(.

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  6. PufferfishDecember 11, 2009 at 6:18 AM

    I'm going to hold out hope for the blood test. I can't imagine how disappointing it must be to see that BFN after all you've been through to get to this point. I'm so sorry.

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  7. tbeanDecember 11, 2009 at 6:19 AM

    NO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!! I'm gutted for you. Gah. Hugs.

    PS: Just in case you have any flicker of doubt, you made the right decision to transfer one. Definitely. So don't second guess it.

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  8. ClareDecember 11, 2009 at 7:38 AM

    I hope the BFN was just a faulty pee stick and you get good results after your beta! Hugs.

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  9. AnonymousDecember 11, 2009 at 7:57 AM

    Oh, my friend. My heart is hurting for you. I'm so incredibly sorry the coin landed this way.

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  10. MelissaDecember 11, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    I'm going to hold out hope still too that the blood test says something different.

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  11. anofferingofloveDecember 11, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    Nooooooooo! Aw, fuck. I don't even know what to say - "Sorry" just doesn't cut it. Thinking of you and hoping for a beta surprise. ((((())))

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  12. IllanareDecember 11, 2009 at 9:13 AM

    I'm sorry. Hoping and wishing that it was a false negative and your beta HCG result tells a different, and happier, story.

    Hugs.

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  13. LisaDecember 11, 2009 at 10:57 AM

    Not to be that annoying voice of optimism but I'm truly hoping the bloodwork says something different. Please keep us posted and in the meantime, take care of yourself. I know how shitty bfn's feel.

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  14. EbDecember 11, 2009 at 12:45 PM

    so sorry.
    eb

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  15. CJDecember 11, 2009 at 12:50 PM

    It's not over until you BLEED!!!

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  16. MAJ BryenDecember 11, 2009 at 1:01 PM

    Man that sucks! I'm so sorry!!! My thoughts are with you and S

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  17. AlisonDecember 11, 2009 at 3:33 PM

    I'm sorry :(

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  18. BillyDecember 11, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    I am so sorry.

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  19. Lollipop GoldsteinDecember 11, 2009 at 6:48 PM

    I'm sorry, sweetie. That's terrible news.

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  20. Carrie and MJDecember 12, 2009 at 7:04 AM

    Damn it! So sorry - there isn't much more to say.

    Here's to both of us getting our BFP in January!

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  21. AnonymousDecember 12, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    Saw your update. I'm so sorry. This is so unfair. Hoping hard that the next cycle is the one. Thinking of you both. {{{}}}

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  22. Best When Used ByDecember 12, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    I'm so sorry. There are not enough "whys" in the world after a BFN. My heart is with you and S tonight. If you'd like to entertain a silver lining - some say that frosties offer a better chance because if they are strong enough to survive a freeze and thaw, they are tough little babes!

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  23. UnknownDecember 12, 2009 at 9:49 PM

    I am so sorry. It's so unfair. I hate how unfair it is. I'm thinking of you.

    I will begin sending you good energy for the January cycle.

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  24. Journey GirlDecember 13, 2009 at 12:37 AM

    I'm so, so sorry, sweet - my thoughts are with you and I am sending many hugs to you through cyberspace.

    Thinking of you....

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  25. cindyhoo2December 13, 2009 at 8:31 AM

    I came back for the update. Like you I am not surprised after the hpt but I am still so.incredibly.sorry. Words are not enough.

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  26. PufferfishDecember 13, 2009 at 12:10 PM

    Damn. I was wrong. I'm so sorry. I hope Feb. brings better news.

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  27. AnonymousDecember 13, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    Damn, I am sorry. I hope January brings you a BFP.

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  28. TrinityDecember 14, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    Oh, no... I just peeked back for the update... So deeply sorry! :( Sending a big warm hug your way....

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  29. CeliaDecember 14, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    Babe, I am so sorry.

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  30. AnonymousDecember 14, 2009 at 12:27 PM

    I'm so sorry. It shouldn't be this way.

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  31. J and DZDecember 14, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    I am so sorry... I know there isn't anything I can say to make this better. You're both in my thoughts and I'll be here cheering you on in January. FX for 2010.

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  32. SoapchickDecember 14, 2009 at 1:49 PM

    Here from L&F. I'm so sorry about your BFN. My DE cycle in July also failed. It totally sucks and I'm sorry you are going through this. Best wishes on your FET

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  33. ChickenpigDecember 14, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    I'm so sorry :( Best of luck for your FET in January. LFCA.

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  34. AnonymousDecember 14, 2009 at 2:35 PM

    I'm so sorry. I hope you get your miracle sooner rather than later.

    xxx

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  35. Mommy and MamitaDecember 14, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    I'm so sorry. This just sucks. I'm glad at least you have the opportunity to do a frozen cycle.

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  36. FranDecember 16, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    Sweetie I am so sorry. Nothing matters now, you just need some time and your FET will happen really soon. Big hugs. Fran

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  37. AnonymousDecember 18, 2009 at 1:09 PM

    thats well and truly crapola. I am so sorry. Thoughts going out to you. Em

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  38. Mad HatterDecember 23, 2009 at 8:07 PM

    I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you.
    Hugs,
    Maddy

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