skipping towards the starting line!

Well, I have been a busy little bee since last I wrote on this here blog. Here are the facts:

1. Went to the lawyer to have a consultation about the agreement between the egg donor and me and S. Apparently there is no law that governs egg donation in IL so it's kind of a crap shoot so you have to come up with contracts and everyone signs and hopes that if there ever is a law it will be favorable for all of us. The main thing is to create a paper trail and to memorialize our intention of being the parents of the child. ( I think, or something like that!)We also have to sign an agreement with the egg donation agency. We are waiting for the lawyer to draw up the final agreements and then we will sign them and move onto the next thing. In the documents we are called "intended mother A" ( me -the gestator) and intended mother B (S). Funny, but makes it seem more real!

2. Called another lawyer to inquire about second parent adoption and the procedure and the cost. Interestingly she said that it is a little unusual as I won't be biologically related to the child but I am the gestational mother - but she said she has done some of these before and they have gone smoothly. S ( who will be petitioning to be the second parent) has to have a police background check so I cautioned her to keep herself on the straight ( well not quite straight ) and narrow for the meantime! The cost is $1500 - $2000 depending on the case. Need to start saving up for all these extras! We don't have to do anything until about week 20 when we should contact her and let her know how it's going.

3. Ordered some more sperm as the donor we have one vial of is retired and we need two ( just in case one is a dud). So we agonized and searched and looked and listed and found this amazing guy at Cryogenic Laboratories. I like them a lot - you get a lot of info for free - I mean a lot of info!!!! and the IVF sperm is pretty cheap - as there is less of it. We decided we want him to be our number one guy ( especially after seeing his childhood photo and hearing his audio interview ) so we ordered two vials.

4. I have been engaging in a little career counseling and have decided to take the plunge and go for it full speed ahead. The reasons: I need someone to cheer me on and motivate me while I explore new careers ( and hopefully ones that are conducive to part time for good money ) and take steps to fulfill my goal of feeling satisfied and useful and creative in my work ( and less stressed). I need help selling myself, and someone to believe in me while I am doing this and someone with expertise and the two career guys (that I kind of met by accident) seem to really know what they are talking about and seem to have worked with all kinds of people - even cuckoo clocks like me! And I say that in the kindest and most loving way to myself.

5. When I saw my therapist tonight we sat there and marveled at how far I have come in pursuing my two ambivalent but persistent dreams - having a baby and getting un-stuck from my career. I could not even work on those dreams without first having the good fortune to have a great relationship with my honey and the feeling that we have a firm foundation. I remember being referred to her over five years ago when I decided I needed to have a new therapist so I could talk about how I was getting old and really wanted to think about having a baby!!! If you knew me when I was 14 years old you would really know it's been a long journey!

6. Waiting with baited breath for the lovely egg donor to come back from out of town - she gets back tomorrow and the third party coordinator is going to call her on Monday. Still waiting for that elusive period. Any day now!

Goals for next week: work on refinancing the " house" - I use that term loosely in the way that one does when one lives in a tiny garden apartment, tidy the back bedroom ready for company and ( ponder how we will somehow turn it into an office / slash nursery) and of course, win the powerball!

If I sound a little pollyanna, believe me: I have been through plenty of hedges backwards before getting to this point.

my happy uterus!

It's fluffy! I know I am boasting a little and I really don't know the measurements but the doc said it looked good and obviously my body is actually doing something to create its own little lining. Thank you, body! I know sometimes I act like you don't belong to me, but I am so grateful.
What this means and why I am so psyched is that we can FINALLY start the real egg donor cycle. Yippee!
The lovely egg donor ( I am really going to have to think of a name for her) returns from out of town at the end of July and once she checks in and gives them an update we should be ready to go.
I am waiting for my period (in solidarity with Bang Head Here) and then I can start BCPs and stay on them until she gets synced with me - or vice versa. Soon I may even have a schedule and be able to plan my life!
Newsflash from CCB: they ran out of our donor as he was a big hit, so we get to pick another one for our "back-up" vial. Thankfully we kept a list of favorites so we are going to pick one of those and not worry too much about it.
One of these days I will post something interesting and whimsical, but for now, I am little focused on these details!

"Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears." - Barbara Johnson

I went in for an ultrasound and saline sonogram this morning.
It was painful but the results were good: on day 16 of my cycle ( yes, apparently I am still cycling albeit with poor quality eggs if any eggs at all) my lining is 10 and I have one follicle - yeah - just when I least expected it I have a follicle - it's small - I think 13mm by 16mm but it's there. It's a moot point really as we won't be using my eggs anyway. But it hadn't really occurred to me that despite all the drugs I have been taking my body still apparently has its own natural rhythms.
The bad news - it's not really bad - but it relates to the title of my post - everything looks good, but he wants to see me in a week for another U/S and B/W and consult. More waiting.
Cut to me lying on the table with legs waving in the air forgetting to ask - so what's the plan about the trial cycle?
Oh and my insurance company apparently has to see current day three testing results to affirm that I am indeed infertile which slows things down again. Day three testing without any meds to clock my lousy FSH and Estradiol levels. I am, as I said earlier, on day 16. I know I should not be bitching because the rest of the world does not get to have their insurance company cover any of this and I should just be grateful and put a sock in it. But still. I am officially stripping my gears.

Quick and Dirty....

...as in quick and dirty update. Sorry if you were expecting something a little more exciting!
I keep waiting for the perfect post to pop into my head and it doesn't, but I do want to update my blog with my something about my life and current plans. About babies in particular and my life in general.
Here are the highlights:

Holiday came and went for 10 whole days of fun, travel and friends. Loved Canada - they know all about how to really deal with garbage ( when they are not on strike like they were in Toronto!) It also brought AF. ( as scheduled with Provera of course - ain't nothin' "natural" about my cycles no mo').
On return from vacation we went in for our meeting with the third party coordinator - she is very perky and friendly and got us all excited about the process. I signed a lot of papers - Susan is not needed to sign papers because legally I am single - yeah, duh, right, I feel so single!
The donor sounds like someone we would be friends with in real life - cool, into humanitarian work, fun, a busy bee and cute of course. ( not that those are our only criteria for friends of course - we don't usually interview people or have them fill out a questionnaire!)
After we got back I played email tag all last week with doctor supertanned as he had decided that he was on vacation too - how dare he? Played round robin with him, his nurse and the 3rd party coordinator all week.
Today after aggressive phone calling and e-mailing I find out I need another saline sonogram on Thursday plus consult, plus b/w. Please let there be no more bloody fibroids!!!!!!
The plan ( so far) is to do another "trial cycle" all the way to the progesterone in the ass shots and endometrial biopsy ( ouch!) and analysis and then go for broke with the real one sometime in August. Oh that clock is tick tick ticking. I hope I can skip the BCPs and go straight to Lupron this trial cycle.
In the rest of my life: I am trying to suck it up and get through my daily work without being too much of a neurotic worry wart and we are trying to spend as much time at the beach or in outdoor activities the rest of the time. We spent two days this weekend at the beach in Evanston where I took windsurfing classes for the umpteenth time and got covered in bruises and sores from pulling myself onto the rough board over and over again. The fun parts were the cruising through the waves when I caught the wind and didn't fall off. I am going back for more - probably tomorrow - but with a wetsuit to protect me from the board. Susan watched from the shore, read her books and waved encouragement and then we both got to go swimming together. I have a smile as wide as the lake when I get in the water!
So that's all folks. A very hum drum kind of waiting waiting waiting post, but just wanted to let you know I am still here!
Cheering section - thanks for all your support - I really appreciate it and every comment makes a difference ( and it's free!!!) ( Tee hee!!!)